Today I was talking to another pregnant woman who I really admire. She was telling me how she has been thinking really hard about "why 9 months"? We had a really incredible discussion that I really appreciated. Sometimes I feel like, "man, is this ever going to end--being pregnant? will this child ever come?". But I have recognized that without 9 months of "hard" as this woman wisely calls it, I would not have the preparation I need. Physically, the child needs 9 months, yes. But also, I need the 9 months to prepare emotionally, physically, and spiritually as well. I need this time for growth so desperately. First of all, maybe the tiredness that I feel is preparing me to recognize when I need to give myself a break. I should take advantage of the fact that right now I can relax and sit back for a moment--it will be a whole lot tougher when there is a kid that needs me even when I am tired. This has been a good eye-opener for me, that it is okay to take some time for myself. Also, I feel like I am growing emotionally. I am going to be a young mother. So, this 9 months time I have to emotionally mature is extremely helpful. I think it has taught me a lot about empathy, compassion, understanding, and withholding judgment. I am glad I am realizing this now, so I can really use this time to improve.
In addition, I am growing spiritually and it has brought me a lot of peace. Today I felt really discouraged because I was throwing everything up and couldn't move to get water to keep from getting dehydrated. Thankfully, my loving mother called my loving aunt to bring me some coke--life saver. Nevertheless, even after feeling a little better, I broke down again because I felt useless and helpless. I was feeling really down for quite a while and then I decided I needed to pick myself up, because feeling bad for myself was not going to help me get any more done than if I didn't. So, I took the time to read the July Ensign (monthly latter-day saint magazine). I read two articles "A river of peace" and "Facing the future with hope". Wow. I really needed that. Then, I found two Mormon Messages on Youtube.com " Men's heart's shall fail them" and "Lifting burdens: the Atonement of Jesus Christ". They are incredible.
The one thing that stuck out from these most is the fact that I need to have an eternal perspective and I will be much happier.
"We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of Forever...he sees as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming." (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin).
This brings me so much peace and hope. I am so grateful to have this experience and hope that anyone reading this will at least think about reading the articles and watching the videos. Whether you believe in God or not, I promise this will bring you hope and you will feel the hope in the words you read/hear.
I know that having hope will not ever take away my trials or problems. But I do know that it makes going through them a lot easier.