Short note of enlightenment

Today I was talking to another pregnant woman who I really admire. She was telling me how she has been thinking really hard about "why 9 months"? We had a really incredible discussion that I really appreciated. Sometimes I feel like, "man, is this ever going to end--being pregnant? will this child ever come?". But I have recognized that without 9 months of "hard" as this woman wisely calls it, I would not have the preparation I need. Physically, the child needs 9 months, yes. But also, I need the 9 months to prepare emotionally, physically, and spiritually as well. I need this time for growth so desperately. First of all, maybe the tiredness that I feel is preparing me to recognize when I need to give myself a break. I should take advantage of the fact that right now I can relax and sit back for a moment--it will be a whole lot tougher when there is a kid that needs me even when I am tired. This has been a good eye-opener for me, that it is okay to take some time for myself. Also, I feel like I am growing emotionally. I am going to be a young mother. So, this 9 months time I have to emotionally mature is extremely helpful. I think it has taught me a lot about empathy, compassion, understanding, and withholding judgment. I am glad I am realizing this now, so I can really use this time to improve.
In addition, I am growing spiritually and it has brought me a lot of peace. Today I felt really discouraged because I was throwing everything up and couldn't move to get water to keep from getting dehydrated. Thankfully, my loving mother called my loving aunt to bring me some coke--life saver. Nevertheless, even after feeling a little better, I broke down again because I felt useless and helpless. I was feeling really down for quite a while and then I decided I needed to pick myself up, because feeling bad for myself was not going to help me get any more done than if I didn't. So, I took the time to read the July Ensign (monthly latter-day saint magazine). I read two articles "A river of peace" and "Facing the future with hope". Wow. I really needed that. Then, I found two Mormon Messages on Youtube.com " Men's heart's shall fail them" and "Lifting burdens: the Atonement of Jesus Christ". They are incredible.
The one thing that stuck out from these most is the fact that I need to have an eternal perspective and I will be much happier.
"We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of Forever...he sees as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming." (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin).
This brings me so much peace and hope. I am so grateful to have this experience and hope that anyone reading this will at least think about reading the articles and watching the videos. Whether you believe in God or not, I promise this will bring you hope and you will feel the hope in the words you read/hear.
I know that having hope will not ever take away my trials or problems. But I do know that it makes going through them a lot easier.

As promised...

I said ultrasound pictures would be in the near future...so, HERE IT IS! I only wanted to put one up...because it is the first time I am sharing pictures of my insides with the general public. So, I picked the cutest one! Lucky you. So, this is from June 13, 2012 at about 10 weeks and 6 days. Our baby is the most adorable thing in the world. Though I still feel like it is a morphling that I am not really attached to emotionally yet, because it is still now only the size of a lemon and I can't really tell that there is another human in me other than the fact that something is making me throw up.
Nonetheless, here is our adorable baby.

Yay! Doc said that the baby seems really healthy so far and that the strong heart beat of 170bpm is great. I just had another ultrasound just checking on the heart beat and it is 145bpm and they said, that is still great. Anywhere above 120 is really good! Yay! Strong baby!
Okay, so unfortunately since you all were not in the room (thank all that is holy) you don't know the coolest part. Yes, our baby is photogenic and adorable in this picture, but I think the neatest part was watching it move!!! This thing is a mover and a kicker already! Swinging its arms and flailing its legs. Hopefully it calms down a bit when I can start to feel these movements....but it was THE COOLEST PART OF BEING PREGNANT THUS FAR to see this little 2.5 inch being with arms, legs, fingers and toes (already!!) moving so fast!!! It was incredible.
In only 4 more weeks, Mark and I will be able to find out the sex. Pretty crazy, huh!?
I have learned that the development of a fetus is not only incredible, but it is super crazy fast. It is a miracle how quickly they grow! And they go from being a mere zygote to weighing around 5-9lbs, being around 20 inches long and having all the systems of a human within 9 SHORT MONTHS!!! (I'd like to emphasize the short on days like I've been having lately........)

Finding Out...

So, I realize that it has been a while since I last posted...So, it is time. Sorry, I've been barfing, working, quitting, and looking for other jobs. But, I'm here for you, my loyal readers.
This post is one of three I have coming quickly. The next two will be ultrasound pictures :) yay! And another short post about one of the other things I have found out about being pregnant.
BUT! You are on this post, so you would like to know what this post is about! This is a series of pictures that my cousin Jayson Mansanarez took. Mark and I had quite the surprise when we found out we were pregnant and it was a wide range of emotions--so we asked Jayson to capture our story of finding out....

 
I was so focused on reading the instructions correctly--which they do not make easy to understand. There are so many different scenarios of what different line shades could mean. I did not want to be wrong. Mark said the plus sign showed up 15 seconds after I passed the stick to him to read....

Then came the realization that I was actually pregnant.....I was excited, worried, surprised, confused. I cried, I laughed maniacally, I screamed, I hugged Mark, I wiped my running mascara on him, I squealed with joy. I had to sit down, I couldn't help but jump. Apparently, Mark said it was pretty comical just watching me and he was feeling the same way...just not expressing it exactly like me....

  

 Then came the realization that realistically, there is no way we can afford a baby. We barely have enough money to pay for rent and groceries....

All in all, we are both really happy... And Mark is really proud. Especially since his baby has a really strong heart beat (170 bpm...but that is for the next post!).

the announcement

clearly, we had to use this picture for the announcement, because it shows the range of feelings we as a couple are feeling: overjoyed, terrified, excited, scared, confused, and happy :)

things i've learned about making a baby so far...

1. when you try to make a baby, it doesn't happen. when you don't try to, it does.

2. whoever coined the term "morning sickness" must have been an unmarried man. otherwise, it would be called "the 24/7 pregnant flu that can last more than three months".

2a. oyster crackers don't work for everyone.

2b. don't eat bacon when pregnant.

3. pregnant brain equates to zero brain.

4. hearing your baby's heartbeat for the first time (for me, june 4th, 2012) is an incredible experience, but without seeing ultrasound pictures, it still feels like you are just growing some sort of alien that makes you throw up.

5. people talk about how exciting being pregnant is--which DO NOT GET ME WRONG, it is.--but they do not talk about the scary feeling discussed above--feeling like you have some creature growing inside of you.